Part of being a cyclist is having an insatiable hunger. The moment you finish a ride by either hanging up the bike, putting it on the roof rack or handing it to your mechanic #PROlyfe, you’re instantly thinking about the next ride. It may be subconscious or it may be very overt as you talk/froth about it with your crew, but either way like a cycling Nymphomaniac you’re already looking ahead to the next sweet release.

So… When you can’t get your riding freak on due to being a munted gimp or being emotionally blackmailed into Christmas related social events that are overloaded with small talk, you’re forced instead to think about it in terms of ‘milestones’ until you can ride again, which is #cuntspeak for ‘The big thing that happens next before you get what you want’.

Oddly, Road to Recovery II has been rather devoid of milestones for getting back to full health. Its been a fairly straightforward case of sticking to #Bracelyfe for 6 weeks in a rather devout fashion (AKA – Shitloads of Netflix) before the big milestone of the follow up scan and Doc visit. Yes, breaking your neck (in this very fortunate example) turns out to be a lot more straightforward than doing in your elbow and collarbone.

Fast forward exactly 6 weeks from B-Day and whilst I don’t quite have the wolverine like healing powers I had hoped for, the little red arrow says that this C2 is on the mend nicely:

Whilst my effort on Stage 5 in Finale Ligura EWS may have proved otherwise, turns out I do have a spine and here it is! The little red arrow says that the C2 has been sorting itself out, 6 week #bracelyfe anniversary tomorrow and hopefully some good news from the Doc... #roadtorecovery #dirtynomad #fingerscrossed #passthechocolatemilk

Took about 5 seconds for the first penis jokes to drop on this one

Ultimately the follow up visit was somewhat anticlimactic, but that’s probably better than the alternative of hearing “Oh, we’ve cunted it up and well, you do actually need that surgery“. Big upside? The END of #Bracelyfe… I’m yet to come up with a suitably cool anti-social media type photo to celebrate this, exceedingly poor form on my behalf, but I have now moved into the next phase of the R2R2: The Pencil necked geek protocol. 

Reinforcing the fact that the human body loves to chill the fuck out when given half a chance, I’m now in the process of re-educating my neck that yes indeed, it does have to hold my head up… Quite a critical task given all the focus is of course on making a return to spinning cranks.

Ah yes, the whole point of this ultimately! So, with the bone not being fully healed until the end of January, the MTB is still on ice, something that makes me want to vomit and cry in equal portions, but the road bike is a lot more legit. Given the Dirty Comeback is scheduled for Christmas Eve, its time to surrender to the inner bandit and get amongst this:


Ex Golfers globally are delighted

Whilst I won’t be clad in Rapha the whole time, mainly out of protest for their wholesale brand destruction and recent jersey designs, I fully intend to join the virtual lemming herd and ram in the 500km’s over 8 days from the 24th to the 31st as part of the Festy 500. Aside from being an excellent way to avoid painful family events (love you guys), its really the perfect excuse to fulfil my raging desire to dive head first (zero pun there) back into massive volume. Upsides, I get some base miles in. Downsides, my ENDURO friends will blacklist me.

Not being able to do the thing you love can create some insane urges and mine seem to be revolving around wanting to do as many massive rides as I can manage while kicking it back in NZ. With the MTB off limits until Feb, its going to be a road fest to get things back on track before Enduro Lyfe resumes. I’m also quite keen to generate some new material so I don’t have to publish any more bull shit posts like this one.

Will I succeed in ticking off the Festy 500, or make a massive cunt of myself? Watch this space… Everyone is queuing up hoping for cuntery.


Everyone is bemused by the browned rolling hills fetish

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2 Responses

    • Dirty Nomad

      Thanks Geoff! A lot of stoke going down here at Dirty NZ HQ as well, normal service slowly resuming. Merry Christmas dude and thanks for reading!


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