Let me split this into respective audiences – For those that like MTB’s and who’s eyes will glaze over at the mention of a road stage race, indulge here with a montage of the Wainui bike park:

Spoon hill being my pick of the park, good times and a bit of steep rough shit thrown in for good measure. For those of you loving a bit of Road action, read on for the low down on the Wellington 2 Day Vets tour

When AT first said to me “Maaaaate, you’ll be back to race the Vets tour!”, my initial reaction was of course “Fuck off maaaate, I’m not a vet bro!”, but, to our horror at DN global HQ, turns out I now qualify to race in the Vets grade! WTF?! Yes, turns out that just because I have the emotional maturity of a 16 year old (if I am lucky), this doesn’t exclude me from racing in a Vets stage race. And no, its not a race for people who have come back from Afghanistan or these people either:


“Holy fuck… She’s trying to give me a wet willy… woof fucking woof lady”

The Rivet Racing boys are pretty amped and serious about this weekend, as you’d expect from any Semi-PRO race team! How serious, well, here are a couple of shots from the Rivet Racing build up and training camps that best articulate the desire and focus on winning. First up, inspired by stories of celebrity chicks and private jets, GP (of the non-Meo variety) decided it was time for his first BB, Well done mate, good to see you pop your cherry for a good cause this weekend:


“Will I feel the effects straight away? Like, can I smash some KOM’s tonight?!”

Not to be left hanging around with his power cock in his hand, AT decided to go down the aero route. With an 8km TT in the tour, he has opted to go for the Aero Helmet that is 2 sizes too small, squeezing his cranium into a piece of kit that Doctor Garfield referred to as ‘The Lobotomiser‘, note the determination as he rips his ears off:


“Ears can always be stitched back on DN, but this thing is worth at least 3 watts, arrgggghhhhh”

My contribution to the cause? With the Welly weather grenading itself, I’ve been not riding, drinking coffee and making my famous power shakes which make me feel sick. If it says 3 scoops of protein powder what they really mean is 14:


Performance uplift yet to be proved – But guaranteed to make you shit like an Alsatian

The race itself is based in the delicious wine country of Martinborough, basically a mini Hawkes Bay and consists of the following stages split over 2 days:

  • 53km road stage
  • 8km TT
  • 83km road stage

Don’t let the shorter distances of use of the word ‘Vets’ fool you, this is going to be a fast motherfucker based on the names that have appeared on the A grade start list and as we know, shorter distances means higher speeds… I shall be interested to see how the locals process Asian style racing tactics, assuming my legs work after what can best be described as a patchy build up.

My race build up also consisted of going to see the movie ‘Jack Ryan – Shadow Recruit’… All it does is confirm that A) Keira Knightly would be massively high maintenance to date and B) No spy genre movie can still manage to match up to the bar set by the BOURNE series of flicks, this being another ship wreck smashed against the Jason B seawall. In other news… Herr Doktor has struck back on the Alley Cat, taking a new lead in the “Weirdest place you can get your photo taken in your DN T shirt” comp, deep from the Colombian jungle no less… NO shit:


Them eyes…

He’s in there somewhere… Beyond them trees… I see you… That bush is so bad ass even Sergeant Mac is impressed:


Sheeeeet… That bush is so bad ass its making me bead up massively

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