Well, thanks to everyone for the positive feedback and interest in covering yourself Dirty for road riding! Was great to see everyone loving the DN Road kit as much as those involved in its creation. I did get asked a few questions though that were painfully obvious and that I should have covered at the time, so here goes:
- What is the sizing man?!
- How do I order it?
- What’s the cost cunt?
- How do I pay?
All obvious points really, but my frothing over the design and progress overshadowed the operational & Logistical elements that I should have organised before going Above the Line. Or, in non-cunt speak, I was too lazy to organise all this shit:
1. Get the Dirty tightness
Buying kit sight unseen is a mofo, lets face it. Apparently Cuore sizing more or less falls in line with Rapha, which I can confirm as I’m a medium in both. If you want to use science as your guide, here is a relatively difficult to read sizing chart for jerseys and Knicks to get amongst. I still have no idea why it has a weight reference in there… Orders for XXXL will be routed to the Spam folder, unless you’re the Rock:
If you manage to read the above table ok, you’ll probably want to work out how to measure yourself correctly. To assist with that, we have these two people who have never given oral sex to assist with correct measuring:
As for the peripheral, but no less important items:
- Caps – One size fits all, unless you have an epic melon, in which case just buy one and rip the fucker a bit with your giant sized mitts, which we assume match your hulk sized head
- Socks – Small, Medium and Large. No clue as to how this maps to shoe size, so exercise common sense. Dok, I will get you some smalls and shrink them in the drier before shipping to Perth.
2. Process time!
I would love to have a swanky on-line form for you to fill in, but that will have to be phase 2 I’m afraid, so in the mean time, simply Hit me with the form and let me know the essentials:
- What you want and quantity
- How you want to pay (see below)
I’ll then get in touch once the gear is in via e-mail. So in other words, its kind of like the Rapha experience, except without the 3 day delivery window, awesome packaging and no Merino.
3. How many Pingas?
Whilst we’re a not a non-profit organisation, I’m also loathe to fall into the other end of the spectrum in terms of cost, so this is definitely more in the ‘Break even’ realm than anything else. Also, bear in mind that this gear is actually pretty snazzy and hey, its fucking Swiss right? Basically you’re Fabian Cancellara when you wear it essentially (eat your dead hearts out Marketing zombies). Scene set, here is the indicative pricing, if I get mad volume then prices come down and unlike Petrol companies, we don’t back pocket that shit, we pass the win straight on:
- Jersey – $140 AUD
- Kicks – $160 AUD
- Cap – $25 AUD
- Global courier tracked – $30 AUD, waived if you buy heaps of shit (vague right?). $70 if you’re an impatient cunt and need shit FAST.
So, for a mere $325 AUD you can make yourself Dirty from head to toe without visiting The Gentleman’s lounge. Or, for less than the price of a pair of Rapha shorts you can be fully draped in Dirtiness.
4. Paying the Dirty Piper
Continuing the theme of crawling around on our stomaches like we’ve had too many shots before we can even stand up, there will be two easy options: PayPal or Bank Transfer. If you’re in the Global hub, cash is cool. And no, I don’t take meth or Shimano parts as payment I’m afraid. Readers wives pics also not a form of currency FYI, unless you’re married to Blake Lively, Kate Upton or Scar Jo. I will e mail the appropriate details once you let me know your preference… For payment.
I will most likely miss the Christmas rush, but gear should be available very early in the new year, just in time for some summer loving if you live in the bottom half of the planet. Prepare to be mobbed at Cafe’s everywhere you park up for a smoke and a pancake.