Am I still ENDURO creaming myself like a malfunctioning Soft Serve machine at 4am in an inner city Maccas? Fuck yes I am. Aside from the small miracle of getting in, did I mention some of the MTB Celebs that will be in attendance at the first round of the Enduro World Series (and no, it doesn’t stand for Electronic Warfare Squad) in Rots?

That’s right, this thing is going to be more popular than a Strayla Day BBQ! Aside from all the usual ENDURO royalty like Grubby, and the French guys, established DH stars such as Peaty, Minnaar, Blenki and the whale of all PRO Stalks, Sam Hill will also be in Rots, familiar names right? Yeah, you know it… Been there, stalked that… Aside from the Moby Dick of Stalks that is Mr Hill:

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“Just like old times eh guys… Guys… Guys?”

I bet right now they will be fucking stoked to know that I’ve made my way into the scene like an ENDURO fungal infection! If you can’t make it on talent for a wild card entry, just type really fucking fast and it seems to do the trick.

So whilst we’re frothing over PRO’s, shall we take a quick temperature check to see how high the ENDURO fever is peaking out at? Well, according to this, fuuuuuucking Terminator melting furnace hot right now, don’t ever recall seeing this message when trying to enter a Road or XC race?

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Fast as BRO!

This has of course not only prompted the first two DN Missions of the year to now be fully booked and paid for (thank fuck, otherwise this site is going to get pretty booooring man), but also for some semi-serious training to commence… Which immediately highlighted the issues that one faces trying to train for World Level events here in the Global hub, I shall use the ENDURO Wolf to demonstrate concerns:

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“Give it a chance Nomad, the footpath is radder than it looks, plus we can jump off the curbs”

The contrast of course is best outlined by poaching some of the pics that the Trans Provence organisers were sending out this week as a little reminder of what comes our way in June…

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Hmmmm… Yuup

And… Some MORE… #alpsporn:

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There’ll be some exposure then..

Ok, I know, I’m sorry, you’re getting as bored as listening to your partners run down of their day at work with all this ENDURO load shooting, so I shall switch the attention to something radically different: DH. Yeah, fucking BOOM coming out of CharChar (Christchurch NZ) this week, guess what is going operational in March 2016, BIKE PARK! Its really happening, so glad the M&M show are renovating and putting that Dirty loft in for me, I’ve started forwarding my mail there already guys:

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BIKE PARK!!!!

Don’t have a DH bike for shredding laps on? Boofuckinghoo, then its time to embrace the mass proliferation of bike parks and get what has just been judged “DH Bike of the Year” by Pinkbike, which must make it a fact beyond reproach. You know it, the Santa Cruz V10c, SO the perfect time to make that commitment to radness. Cue epic hill billy melt downs about cost blah blah blah:

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Get a deal on the 26er or sell a child for the new 27.5. Either way you can’t go wrong

How much are the Roadies yawning at the moment? So far its been a full Dirt Buffet rammed into their bib shorts. Well, just so happens that the global affiliates have been busy this past week, getting into some serious PRO stalking, which makes me feel fucking proud guys, so well done. First up AT nailed this shot of the newly crowned NZ National champ turning up to make Welly Wednesday Worlds feel more like having a pool ball in your mouth than a training ride… I think the convo here is what is UP with that where’s wally kit on the right? Fail:

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“Hey… Hey, check it, he’s got the jersey on!!”

Speaking of PROness, it was Tour Down Under time the last week, the first PRO Tour race of the year which means that the scent of the Spring Classics won’t be that far off invading our sleeping patterns. Every year I seem to miss getting down to Adelaide to check it out, which has to be on the ‘To Do list’ as the riding looks pretty awesome.

Clocking up the miles and basking in the PRO glory was DN Affiliate T Tap, who took the stalking baton and ran with it on our behalf, in between clocking up like, a million miles and fuck knows how many metres of climbing over the week. He also did us proud with his PRO ambushing and slightly blurred photos, I’m going to take a guess and say this is Renshaw that was hunted down:

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“Cav got beaten by who at San Luis?”

Its also the first time in 2015 for some fucking insane onboard footage. We know Jeremy Roy is a hard cunt and pretty handy at break aways, but check out his skills and luck at navigating this pile up on Stage 4, which also outlined how you snap a pair of Canyon forks in half. Worth noting speeds of 78kph being hit here… Fuuuuuuuck:

Talking of snapping things and in the interests of consistency, I’ve decided to keep rolling with the theme of munting road bikes in the DRRU. This one was doing the rounds, not the first time I have heard of an F8 in this situation, but to be fair, suspect this is more crash damage than an epic failure. Insurance anyone?

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Ah… So that’s how the internal cabling works…

Have a cracking week gang! So… So… So bad… Fuck I need a trip and some new material.

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