From awesome Japanese Alps… to humidity… to Desert… Its all go as the mega July/August rocks on, with a shitload of random updates today. Its all business this week, topping off the tank before a buffet of Dirty travel will unleash itself on unsuspected readers. Its so rammed, I even had to get a head start and pack early for the next mission – Shredpocalypse II:

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Got myself a REAL DH bike for Whistler for a change… Stiffy

Whilst I am packing (in more ways than one), my shredding partner in crime is busy unpacking that shit, showing some epic gnar form ahead of hitting Whistler. He’s SO fucking Enduro right now as well, even if he’s on Enduro illegal 26 inch wheels, keep that shit real Herr Doktor:

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Yes, that’s a slither of DN T Shirt making its ENDURO racing debut… BANG

Whistler is 10% riding and 90% being airborne/resisting the urge to shit shorts, so the Dok has been taking the opportunity to brush up on getting cleared for take off by hitting all the sweet action that Perth has to offer… We’re about 10 days away from the Trail bike being hung up and the DEMOlition work commencing, so awesome it makes you want to shake like a first time shoplifter:

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This image is about to become a usual sight, we’ll just swap out the terrain for something… Steeper…

On the topic of radness… Or madness, its hard to choose… Mad Markus wasn’t about to let a broken finger on day 1 of his epic USA MTB adventure slow him down at all. No, patch me up Doc and send me back to the front lines of shredding combat. “But Markus, you may go down again hard with that type of set up?”…. To which MM replies “Out of my way you slack jawed XC weeines, there is Gnar to be disciplined”. My protocol in this situation is to lie down and cry, but Markus just gets on with it, not without some collateral damage it seems:

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“He’s more machine now than man…”

Speaking of crazy shit, how about releasing a new road bike that comes in approx 2kgs under the UCI legal weight limit? Handy yes… 4.65kg’s and $15k USD? Please sign me up for ZERO of those immediately… Its bad enough having to put weights in my Evo for racing amateur races where the organisers feel the odd need to apply PRO rules and regulations to them. However, at least the Trek mechanics are ready with a slightly stylish lead weight option. Shame it wasn’t 8 years ago, would have been perfect place to hide the juice:

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Elite bottle cages perhaps the only thing OK with this picture…

Each to their own, but I have received a first hand lesson in “how light is too light?” this week with a sad death in the Dirty family… I have buried this update in the middle of the post due to its horrifying content, but the absolute last words you ever want to hear when you go to pick up your beautiful race bike from the shop are: “Hey bro, your frame is cracked yeah”. Yes, Black Ops has a cracked right rear seat stay and is currently awaiting warranty processing. Once I know the outcome I will do a proper eulogy, but in the mean time, here is the last snap I took before departing:

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Just when you think it can’t get worse: “We can get you one with the gold colour?”

Speaking of having a cracking time (such a smooth transition), how about the Rivet Racing boys getting into an awesome training camp to prepare for the NI Series later on this year. The boys got a great group together for 2 days of smashing each other in the face and legs over in the mighty Rapa. In true PRO style, some of the new signings in old team kit until the new season officially kicks in…

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A proper training camp… That kit order can’t arrive soon enough… I can feel my OCD peaking…

On to a tour of a different kind… yes, I was a little bit sceptical when I referred to the Tour Grand Depart being in Yorkshire, but fuck, not only have they seemed to have nailed it with scenery, hard stages and good racing, but it also appears that they’re quite keen on cycling in that part of the UK – feral:

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“Wait, this isn’t a Coronation Street parade?! They lied!!!”

A few things to reflect on after 2 days of TDF14:

  1. Yorkshire – Has turned on an awesome start to Le Tour, has there ever been so many people road side for the opening two days? Good time to own a bike shop locally… Or be Rapha
  2. Cav – Melt down… He wasn’t so much leaning on Gerro as he was lying all over him. We have been deprived of the sprinting show down of the century… Watch now as RoboKittel wins all the flat stages
  3. Nibbles – What a classy fucker… Our Dirty Tour hero, nailed it on stage two and took his first ever stage win in his Italian National champs jersey, shit that is GOOD. Write that in a letter, smear it in cat shit and eat it Kazakh dog team management
  4. Astana – Low class at the best of times and no one would piss on them if they were on fire if they didn’t have nibbles, but they have managed to take things down a notch even further, clearly their social media person is either munted or awesome at taking the piss:
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Ok then…

Seems that the Welsh Assassin has got the Nomadic fever from our recent mission, he’s taken to the road again, faking a business trip to discuss cooking oil and instead turning up in Thailand with his Evo, those HOT new Mavic wheels and some surf boards 4.5 times larger than he is:

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Bringing new meaning to the term ‘Surf and Turf’

Yes, Phuket has been the latest victim of SegmentZilla, with him attacking it ruthlessly (no pun intended) and KOMing all over the show with reckless abandon. I have to say though, how good does an Evo look when you combine it with a beach, especially when its still the best team colour they’ve ever done:

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Cranks level… god… So close to being a perfect shot… fuck

From the “I’d love to see one of those in the flesh” file – Das Wolf has a new ride, rocking up on the best coloured Santa Cruz 5010. REALLY want to try this bike out, it screams rad for trail riding and somehow that orange and yellow combo just works. Its so smooth it makes that Scalpel behind it look downright weird and ungainly… Its had 2 rides on it so far, so good news, its only about 4 rides away from me being able to purchase it, stay tuned:

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Dude, did you steal Cedric’s bike?!

And if you’re having a cunted Monday, just remember this very important scientific fact and perhaps unleash some honesty on people around you if needs be:

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The scientific fact that underlines the Dirty protocols

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