Bang! Slightly out of left field (unless you get to suckle on the sweet Dirty_Nomad Instagram feed), there is some new equipment in town! Yes, a break from the Perth Shredits today to get some good old fashioned gear ranting going (and while I obsessively work out how to improve video quality).

Given I had finally fucked off that wretched Cannondale Scalpel I had a bit of a gap in the arsenal. The Scalpel ended up being a bit like dating a super model: Looked fucking hot and the first ride gave some good impressions… But ultimately it was fragile, made a shit load of unwanted noise and ended up being high maintenance. It also gave you a rough ride, would end up taking all your money and once it was all said and done, wasn’t actually as cool as you thought it was…

With all that in mind, it was time to right wrongs (speaking of which, I will soon rewrite my initial Scalpel review…) and get something actually cool and functional to replace it. With that preface nailed down tight, allow me to introduce the latest addition to the Dirty Squadron – The Santa Cruz Tallboy 2 Carbon:

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Finally a reason for 29ers to exist!

What… the… FUCK I hear you thinking (Prof X styles), yeah, a 29er! The dirty old cuntwagon wheels… But wait, its not like that! I promise! (bet you’ve heard THAT before right?). First, before I elaborate, look at it again from a slightly different angle:

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When it doubt, always take it from another angle to see if it feels hotter…

So, just how do I justify tipping cash into a giant wheeled XC orientated scenario? I have a few exhibits in my defence (justify… Justify):

  • Coverage – There was a gap in the spectrum. DH bike, check, Enduro/Trail HELL machine, check. What about general trail riding, perhaps the odd race of some sort of back country missions? The concept is the Tallboy fills that gap
  • Its a Santa Cruz – No further explanation required
  • Mini-ENDURO™ – Its given me the chance to create a new category, which is almost as awesome as inventing a new word (which I don’t do as often as is claimed). Yes, by building up an XC bike with a trail/ENDURO kit, I have inadvertently stumbled into the mini-ENDURO™ zone. This is similar to the friend zone, like ENDURO just without the #comenoise good times of actual real downhills.

Dubious explanation? Agree… Basically I got it because its fucking hot and I had some parts kicking around. And what a parts build out it is too! ALL quality shit here (AKA – No SHAM):

Fox/Chris King/Shimano/Mavic/Maxxis/Enve/Fizik

This is THE line up you want next to you when going into MTB battle, you’ll flog out and give up before they will and they have serious coolness factor given their association with the Santa Cruz Syndicate (the SC Marketing Dept can finish early today, even though they have the easiest jobs in the industry). It was a frenzied Friday to get the TB ready to roll for the weekend. So much so it ended up being double teamed:

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Always read the instructions

If I was a LCXCB, I would probably want to build my 29er up to be so light that it would be rendered unusable in real terrain. However, I want to disrespect mine to fuck and take it to places where perhaps it’s not going to be welcome, hence the Mini-ENDURO™ fit out. When we finished up and threw it on the scales, it has come out being a more appropriate Scarlett Johansson range as opposed to a Keira Knightly finish. Asian Gollum looked on at my precious, he knows a tight build when he sees one…

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NOT coming to an XC race near you any time soon… Even if that was a Faux reason for its purchase…

So, to the debut?! Yes… Of course. I am going to avoid the mistake of doing an actual review after one ride, but I will share some initial impressions, which is probably best summed up like this:

“Being a Santa Cruz, this thing just felt right from the first 100m of riding… Straight away you get on it, give it a few pedal strokes and feel that sweet sensation of “ahhhhh… Its MY bike“. There is no weirdness, no awkward tricks to adjust to, it just feels SORTED from the very first moment. And fuck, that’s a nice feeling to have.”

Now, lets stand around and take in its sexy flowing lines… Basically this bike does for 29ers what the term ‘MILF’ did for that genre – Made it COOL:

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29er Jungle Rumble

Put it another way, it MUST be a good bike if it got me actually pumped up to go for an MTB ride in the Global Hub, which is about as rare as the place is dry. Adding to the trifecta, we managed to drag out the #endurowolf to continue the Post-Perth bootcamp and reminiscing action:

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“No, serious, I’m not as hairy as I was yesterday! Promise!”

Matching cunts” I hear you sigh? Not quite, Das Wolf has let his wheel penchant rage uncontrolled into ‘Flash As’ Enve territory, upgraded to the DB In-line and has the thing dripping in SHAM, so whilst they look like twins, one may be a work horse and one is perhaps a show pony? Regardless, they look the business at coffee after a morning of tearing it up:

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“Poser”… “Hill billy”

So, no more raving at this stage… I need a few weeks/months on it before I can give a decent review, but as first dates go, Saturday was a bit of a home run, so that bodes well. Watch this space… I can say that it reinforced two theories I had running:

  1. You only need a 100mm travel 29er MTB in Singapore
  2. Santa Cruz are making the best MTB’s right now… This being another exhibit in prosecuting that case

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