First of all, the good news is that PRO road racing is back… Yes, thanks to the power of Euro Sport the good times have returned as we start to inch into Spring Classics territory that will unfold throughout March and April. Pretty much one of the biggest selling points of the Dirty Global Hub HQ is the timing for watching live PRO racing on TV, its golden evening entertainment and a marked improvement over anything else on. And, not too long to go until the MTB Downhill World Cup kicks off again… PRO fever is building.

But, not everyone is out of the winter woods just yet. Yes, you may recall from July last year some lucious and humid Japanese riding conditions in Niseko, case in point on the Panorama line climb:

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Why do I appear to suffer more than the other Rapha models?

And how does it look right now? Like stage 19 of last years Giro basically… Actual shot taken on the weekend by the (cuddly) Niseko Hawk, still riding AND still boarding:

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Ride in the morning… Board in the arvo, now that’s life balance – And a perfect excuse to order more Rapha winter kit

It seems that the Butterfly effect over the weekend had some rather unintended consequences early this week. As I have found out, if you slap the Segment Bear in the face with your small gauntlet, then you can expect to be probed. However, rather than the Professor coming out to put the KOM further out of reach, it was Snozza who popped out of a bowl of rice to dish out some double penetration action on the Butterfly and more importantly, its Strava leaderboards. As the below diagram illustrates, he KOMed all over the show… And all over the rest of us:

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One sitting… Two helpings… Yes, nailing it both ways

Yes, you’re reading that right… In one FOUL swoop and on a new bike for the first time (A Cannondale Scalpel no less…), he came out and did the first sub 13 min laps ever, both ways. Hmmmmm… Oh the karma of wanking off how special you felt achieving your sub 14 min lap and along comes the next step of the food chain to remind you of how shit really rolls. Bravo Snozza, I would have gone home and streaked nude after the first lap, so to do the double is slightly fancy (promise I didn’t say ‘showing off cunt’ when I saw it).

Its also been confirmed that this has been printed in colour and is currently at the framers, after which it will be going straight to Snozza’s pool room:

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If you want it – Come and CLAIM it…

Don’t anyone fucking tell him I am still faster than him on Crazies by 6 seconds… Speaking of which, the good folk at Cycleworx got snap happy on it on Sunday and turned in some quality footage if I don’t say so in a rather narcissistic way. Good to see I am still dropping my head when fucked, safety first:

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Alarmingly I am smaller than I thought

It was one of those days when even PRO conti droid units wanted a piece of my sweet back wheel… It was like I was coated in honey. That makes no sense. Also possible that I was blowing up here and going backwards and they’re trying to work out how to get around me without crashing:

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“Why do we keep letting this crazy bearded fucker in front of us?!”

BUT… My favourite shot, THE moment when the Goat realises that’s the PRO wheel he should have been on going past… With Snozza attached to it like a Honey badger on heat:

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“Diiiiiiickheeeeeaaaadd!!!”

To a different level of Craziness – We’re extremely excited to report that our DN Korea affiliate took out the DMZ Downhill champs, sponsored by Lil Kim and Kalashnikov, his weapon of choice? None other than THE dream bike of a Santa Cruz V10 of course:

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Fuck yeah it is

High 5 to NAILS for having the balls to get this beast rolling. The good news is all he needs to do is perform an emergency SHAMsectomy on the brakes and get some Shimano Saints on there ASAP and he is good to go.

Speaking of emergencies… There was a ‘Man down’ incident over the weekend, where Herr Doktor took his Shredpocalypse II preparation to the next level, as evidenced by the rather rad and strategically placed blood stain on his riding shorts:

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If I bleed – I will kill it

I’m pleased to report that when the Doctor said to our Doktor “Are you a fucking Doctor are you?” that he could respond in the affirmative… Nice work. The only troublesome part, aside from the obvious injuries sustained was trying to convince medical staff that no, his feet hadn’t been amputated and that he should be allowed to go home. Physics defied once more. Although, Dok is now a walking advertisement for why we all need elbow pads while shredding kids, ewwwwwwwwww:

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It really is living human tissue over that metal endoskeleton…

It may also be the case that there is the distinct wafting aroma of a secret dirty project formulating. Well, about as secret as you can make it when you put it all over the internet due to a complete inability to keep a surprise. But, here are some spy shots in a poor attempt to build some suspense:

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Cryptic yes… But all will be revealed… Fingers crossed

So many shocking updates today, even the Wolf is freaked out… Or, could it be just the fact that he’s so excited with the new kit that has turned up from his new sponsor? Or, could it be that he is just amazed how cool road training is again? We’ll have to wait and see as the mystery and intrigue piles up faster than an Italian bike thief can make a getaway:

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Its been a shocking week…

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