To Off Season or not to Off Season?

That of course is absolutely the question at the moment. Well, its been the question ever since I cut the number plate off my bars in Finale and randomly rammed the bike and rancid day 2 race kit back into the Evoc case to return to the #cHub and face the prospect of doing absolutely fuck all. Or, if we use PRO-wannabe-but-aren’t parlance, its the “Off-season”

Which yes, is somewhat ironic when you’re based somewhere that has no seasons, unless you count seasons as “Raining like a cunt” vs “Not raining as much, but now hot as a cunt”.

The last 2 years of course I’ve had an unrequited and enforced off season… Some may recall in 2014 the double down incident in my most loathed Cuntry, which did serve a purpose to set us on the course of ENDURO righteousness. And then 12 months later, almost on cue in 2015, the off season again beckoned with a broken C2, which is pretty much the best way to finger your summer and intricate Mission planning.

So, touch wood, here we are at the same time in 2016 and now its up to ME as to what happens. With no missions on the horizon and coming off the back of a rapid fire spree of radness thanks to Bali<NZ<Italy<Spain/France<Italy again and most people would go “yeah, time to chill the fuck out for a bit”

But alas, its never that straightforward is it? The first few days its quite nice to just chill out, drink coffee and give the road bike the finger… But then a week quickly becomes 10 days… And then next thing you know, you’ve only done 3 rides in 4 weeks. Suddenly, the off season feels more like the horror of a life without cycling as you start the head games of all the glorious form and fitness that’s being pissed down the cycling drain.

Mix in a health dose of post-mission depression and before you know it there’s a Dirty mass-debate starting to rage in your head… Let’s hear both sides of the argument.

Chill Winston – Its reflective time

By reflection I think we mean “Save some fucking money“… But seriously dude, its time to zen out and swap downward pinning for downward dogs. Its been a busy motherfucker of a year too… Ok, so not as busy as it should have been given we pussied out on NZ Enduro and the South American EWS rounds, but you know, still pretty full on by normal standards.

Plus, you know, there are so many upsides, like… Like… Well, sleep in’s right? Sleep in’s are pretty rad huh?! Then there’s…. Hmmmmm, other ‘stuff and shit’. Besides, can you really be bothered with more mindless cHub loops and pretend MTB trails? How good is it to have a break from traffic lights and jungle wetness? You look kind of unconvinced.

Let’s face it, with nothing on the radar until the Rots training camp Christmas holidays, and no racing until mid-March 2017, its time to kick back like a pink Prius and recharge the batteries. So why not chill and enjoy, ummmm, sleeping in? Not to mention a break from complaining about always being tired! Hoo-fucking-ray!

Let it be noted however that there is a direct correlation between a lack of riding & missions and a sharp increase in rabid and illogical consumerism. I’m not saying you’re a gold digger, but the risk is you fill that void with being sucked into the vortex of new kit, all under the pre-tense that the off season is all about preparing for next year… So it ultimately may eradicate that thing we said about saving money. Just saying…

“I am the HYPE – Surrender to me… You know resistance is massively futile”

Let’s keep this party ROLLING YO! 

Oh FUCK no! Stopping? Why the fuck would we chill out now?! We’re finally fit and on form and do you even remember how pinned it was in Finale?! Why the fuck would you want to kick back and watch that all piss down the drain? The radness party has been cranking since we sort of liked Bali, all the way through more Euro action than you can throw a gloating montage at for fucks sake…

Making a considered lifestyle choice

But forget all that – Take a look at Strava cunt, have you seen the miles and radness every other fucker is piling on?! They’re going to peel you like a 3 day old Asian banana come Christmas time if you piss away all your form now. Worse than that, you’re already falling waaaaaay behind on your self imposed meaningless annual mileage target which has approx zero training value, but it’s something you feel ego-obligated to dominate.

Seriously, you giant artisanal bearded pussy, don’t sit around on your hairy ass endlessly waiting for your twitter feed to update as your brain trying to die competes with your muscles trying to waste away. Kick on and flirt with the relatively likely prospect of burn out. Its cool bro, we’ve been there before and its nothing that a little bit of anguish and riding depression can’t handle! If things get really bad you can always steal the kids inhaler! #actuallymarginalgains

Besides, we’re a junkie remember bro, we fucken love this shit… We want to be out there stretching chains and consuming dangerous volumes of Nuun tablets while complaining that we need a rest week because we’ve not followed any semblance of a training plan.

How long is this supposed to take any way? A month, 2? What’s the plan? Sit around and eat guilt free bacon while we pile on the non-riding guilt as fast as the middle aged weight? Have you taken a look at your Gram feed this week? Everyone else’s off season appears to revolve around RAD shredding, so why do you want to sit around sweating because you’re too cheap to put the air con on?

Come on dude, don’t listen to that other guy, ride it out bro, ride it out… You can rest next year! We have an addiction to feed! Fucken Gnar zombie!

Must… Have… More… Wooded… GNAR

So, there we have it… Not such an issue for those of you in the Southern Hemisphere given you’re coming out of hibernation and Spring wind assaults into basking summer. But for the rest of us, what’s it going to be? Rest, recharge and reload? Or continue to chase the dragon endlessly without a thought to physical or financial reserves? The choice is yours, let the debate rage!