At last! Some 54 hours since leaving Western Strayla, Herr Doktor finally made it to Shred HQ to join us for day 2 of Shredpocalypse II. Arriving close to Midnight, we decided it was important to celebrate the occasion with a Wolf themed Lager, which had the double effect of toasting fallen comrades:


“Ehhhhhh… I’m here cunts!”

Was the Dok ready to turn in for the evening on the worlds smallest fold out couch? Hell no… It was shit talking and bike building time! Building a DH bike can be a slightly painful task, so many bolts… So, given jet lagged status and the hour of the evening, it was obvious we needed some help to build Dok’s Demo. Especially with the all important blowing up of tires:


“Is this firm enough?”

Hungry work all this building bike innuendo business, so much so the 1am Pizza delivery was essential. This is all an important part of the Tour de Gnar diet, which is why we elected to save some grams and roll with the thin crust:


This has NOTHING to do with missing our 20’s

With day 2 dawning, it was essential that we got cracking as early as possible to introduce the Dok to the most essential things about being in Whistler:

  1. Coffee
  2. Shopping for stuff you sort of need

Luckily Nails and I were now experts on this, and played a critical support role with helping Dok make a large donation to those lovely Swede’s at POC. In true Dok fashion though, we made sure we hit the 40% off rack, hard:


“Fucken shopping… Found some fucken shorts and shit”

No shit this place is like disneyland for Mountain Biking Adults… Everything you’ve ever seen in a magazine or on-line is in stock in 5 different colours. Well aware that with Dok on the scene, there was a new Faffing sheriff in town and as such, one had to be ready to roll. And soon enough, we were… Kitting up like a SWAT team itching for an urban assault, we first had to send messages of support to absent mammals friends:


“Ehhhhhh… Its SHRED time!”

We made sure that we kept this maturity rolling into our first run of the day and Dok’s first ever run at Whistler… Yes, it was cherry popping fun all morning and you can tell from the smiles that manage to curl up out of a full face helmet that it was a happy place. The boys share their view on what they think of taking a tour of Big Ben this time of the year:


“Fucken gonna ride and shit”

Whilst it was our day two and we were bedded down like PRO’s, The Dok had to go through his own cycle of faffing, tweaking and fettling. And man, did he indulge. Usually the guardian of “Lets get on with it cunts“, today he got into the Faffiteria and chowed down at the buffet. It also proved the point that building a DH bike at 1am after some beers and a week of traveling is less than productive. Cue maintenance faffery:


“Fucken brake levers and shit”

We started to tick off all the staple trails of someone’s first day in Whistler; B-Line, Crank it up, all the Angry Animals, and heart of darkness. I had the feeling early on it was going to be a GOOD riding day and I was not wrong, the speed starting to flood naturally out of the Dirty Demo and I was loving it. The morning was a re-run of the day before for Nails and I, but key to let Dok play himself in gently to avoid any day one calamity. Dok decided to throw off this notion of rolling in safe mode, instead getting busy on cheesegratering the only unprotected part of his arm, this time bleeding his own blood to go one up on Nails from the day before:


“Fucken bleeding and shit… Gonna fucken clean it with a steel wool too, who’s the boss now wound?”

Cue pharmacy faffery… Yes, you may be thinking at this stage that we didn’t do any riding… But, we did… After much Go PRO faffery of course. Not a good day for the cameras given variable conditions, but this didn’t stop us from doing the classic ‘Go PRO dog at the park’ routine:


“Is this thing on?”…. “Nah, fuck, is this one on?!”

Note Dok’s new POC helmet (yes, we may have said POC DOK a few times here and there like 8 year olds etc), its electric blue (“I’m all over you… Electric Blue” etc etc), a point reinforced by this onboard shot through the top part of Angry Animals:


“Fucken love this one, trees and shit”

We’d done a couple of rad runs and it was beginning to dawn on me that I was fucking loving the trails, the bike and best of all the way I was riding. Confidence can be a tricky thing to manage here, but I have never ever felt so good on a mountain bike ever, anywhere. The best piece of advice all day was “Just point your cock in the direction you want to go and its sweet“, which is spot on. This roughly translates into turning your hips into the direction of the turn, getting the weight back and lifting the outside elbow. With the correct body positioning and the way the Dirty Demo rails the turns, the speed through some of the berms and sections was mind numbing and epic. I was loving every run and trail and I felt like it was day 5 of riding, not day 2. Clearly it was time for some more faffing? Cue drink faffery:


“Its fucken blue and rad… And shit”

With 8 runs in the bank and weather looking patchy, not to mention fucking cold, it was time to put a wrap on day 2/1, its important to recognise when you’re in the diminishing returns zone and I suspect with Dok Day 1 set up now complete, we’ll be hammering a lot more runs tomorrow. It was therefore time for the all important job of celebrating a massively rad day and sending an update to our Global network whilst they tour Buckingham Palace:


“Ehhhhh…. Fucken beers and shit!”

And now, to the daily essentials:

1. Trail of the day – ‘Angry animals’: Ok, so this is more like 3 or 4 trails rolled into one big long one, but it was definitely the highlight today. You need to have your berm slaying mojo high to make it work for you, so given the pace today I would say things are coming along nicely. An absolute blast to ride.

2. Gear of the day – DEMO (default award). Troy Lee DH gloves… These things are super comfortable and my hands still feel good, with no beat down yet, so a nod to the gloves. Oakley googles also get a mention, only because we had to have some mid arvo shopping faff for the Dok who ditched his awful fog ridden 100% gogs for the real thing at last.

3. “What did the Dok say” (sing it) – “I’m too fucked to comment, what time is it again? Its Monday right?”

4. The Wolf void – To make sure no one misses out, in this daily essential we hypothesis what it would have looked like today if Das Wolf had joined his gravity brothers:


“Fucken ready to drop in wolf? Wolf? Wolf?”

As an aside, what happens when you travel for 54 hours, get trapped in Asia, have 4 hours sleep and then shred whistler all day before a couple of tasty beverages to wash down dinner? You end up SO fucked that you can’t even be bothered unfolding your couch bed that may be half a foot too small for you:


“Fucken gonna tap out right here and shit”

Can’t comment on where or not that paper bag contained a chocolate marshmallow stick that I introduced the Dok to, we are really bad ass on tour… Bring on day 3.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.