Been off the air a few days, this time it wasn’t me that was broken, no, for a change it was the website, taking it like a gang bang newbie. Thanks to GoCunty.com, which provided me with the technical equivalent of a Golden Shower from a bunch of monkeys with an asparagus and Berocca fetish, we’ve has a few days of fingering around in the dark like 15 year olds trying to get things sorted. Yes, who could have guessed web hosting was so hard? I didn’t, which is why I got confused when I called 5 times and got 5 different fairy tales as to what the problems were, in the end concluding that ‘Nice but Dim’ was the customer service approach… Ultimately not only requiring a full back out, but also the best line ever uttered in response to such fuckwittery:
“Thanks, but if I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted”
Negative props for GoDaddy.com out of the way (ohhhh, that feels better), its time to get on to something far more exciting and vastly more functional, as in, it actually works. You may have been out road riding recently and thought:
“Fuck, look at that… Another 105kg corporate exec golf convert stretching out of shape that once beautiful Rapha jersey, I want to vomit at the horrendous brand devaluing in action”
“OMFG, are those people really riding in the Tour climbers and sprinters jerseys on Avanti’s?! Cuuuuuuunts”
Or perhaps you’re the kind of rider that gets home from a 100km ride and demands a tossed salad? If you’re nodding a knowing ‘yes’ to any of the above, then we have just the kit for you! Hot off the boutique design press from our Japanese Fashion sweatshop, the Dirty Nomad Road gear has been finalised and getting ready for relatively elitist ‘no cunt’ rides in your neighbourhood soon. Lets take the tour shall we?
Topping it all off… Er, at the start
On the jersey design, a great man once said: “I hate colour, but if you’re gonna have colour, that’s fucking it!“. Couldn’t have put it better myself, which is why we have this fetching set up as the final version. The Dirty Hawk didn’t make it an easy exercise after he repeatedly smashed me in the face with hot design after banging lay up… #Bromance. Questions will no doubt come about the translation on the back of the jersey, put it this way, if Japanese people refuse to ride with you, then they’ve confirmed their participation wasn’t required and if they DO roll with you, buy them an Asahi post spin.
Everyone will want to get into your Knicks
If you’ve ever wanted Dirty Nomad all over your thighs, now’s your chance… At a hair of the price of the real thing as well (pun sort of intended). These things are looking so hot, you’ll be allowed to leave the matching socks on post ride… Those socks not only say ‘Dirty Nomad’, but they also scream ‘Business time’, please send me evidence if I’m right.
Put a cap in it
The perfect garment for post ride coffee, where you’ll want to hide your helmet hair to vaguely assist your failed attempts to chat up the hot Barista chick, in the process ruining your weekend when you arrive home 2 hours late and wired to fuck for a fight after having 6 espressos. Still, you’ll look awesome as you go down in flames… Please take it off before you impersonate Kevin Spacey in ‘American Beauty’ in the post ride/fight shower.
As you’d expect, its all about quality and not quantity here. If you’ve ever pulled on a DN Hoodie to participate in a good old fashioned riot in the midwest, you’ll know the focus is always on a quality product. As such, the kit is Swiss and will be produced by a company as close to Assos as I could find: Cuore. Ok, not quite Assos, or Rapha, but it will still feel so good on your skin and you can be guaranteed it will be unique, to the point that you may be the only person in your country wearing it. I’ve had the privilege of trying the gear on and its going to hit all the spots for those that #wantitsobadtobepro.
I’m working through logistics and timeframes now, but if anyone is keen on kit, feel free to hit me with interest.
Oddly now that I have sworn back on to the dirt I have started with Road kit, but don’t be concerned, MTB gear is going to be a fast follower for the 4 of you that demanded it, your medium levels of passion will be rewarded… Watch this space!