With so much French Frothing goodness being unleashed, its been a while since there’s been a need for a Dirty R.I.M job to liven up the Monday action. But with a Tour to wrap up and plenty of other random acts going down, its time to loosen the fingers and get R.I.M fit again.

I’m late to the party with this, but obviously the Tour of discontent is now over… Yes, it was a cracking Tour no doubt and a good rival to the Giro. In fact, you have to feel sorry for the Vuelta, once again sitting in the corner whimpering thinking about the entertainment spit roast that its two cousins have unleashed on it… Its going to need all of those 12 mountain top finishes to have a shot at matching the Pink and Yellow beat up.

But man, it was a race rammed with niggle as well. Not a day went by where there wasn’t someone getting spat on, pissed on, pushed, yelled at or in my personal favourite, a bidon thrown at their face (this one well deserved as well):

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Yes, the Gendarme is smiling… SHOT son

Even granddad got let out for the weekend and got in on the act… Off his meds and clearly not a big Sky fan, he camped out for the weekend waiting for the one moment that he knew would get him free ciggies for the rest of the year from the Tabac:

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gDad misses the point on almost wearing a Sky Rapha cardy… Solid work on the socks though

Regardless of what anyone may think of the Sky/Froome show, you have to be an utter cuuuuuuunt to actually spit on them and of all things, the Yellow jersey. Not just once either… You could say that cycling has some passionate fans, or you could just label those that spit as utter cuntbags and push them down the bank on an HC climb. Save that shit for politicians thanks very much you fucks.

Speaking of popularity contests, clearly the feedback to be more like Sagan from the previous Dirty tour rant was received and acted on. Froome taking a leaf out of the Book of Sage-an to attempt the worlds most awkward wheelie post arriving in Paris… Stray Paris cats everywhere loved it.

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“But… But… Peter does it!”

If you know you have a perception issue, a slightly odd paradox for a team sponsored by a Media company, then post winning the Tour for the 3rd time in 4 years, then just play it cool. After all, you’ve withstood the Spanish armada, ridden through the haters and survived what was a pretty hardcore three weeks, including leaked power files, media beat down and French beer toasts. Yes, just make sure you don’t make any weird public statements that may get people even more turned off than they already were then…

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#notaimedatanyoneinparticular

I guess it depends on your definition of ‘great‘, but I’m sure not everyone would agree…

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“Will this fit in my trophy cabinet or will I have to rearrange all those fucking gold medals again…”

It was even weird to the last day… After watching the Women’s race impersonate an ANZA group ride on the Champs, there was the car ramming the barriers scenario and then finally, one whack as fuck unit to round out the final day.

Instant entry into the Dirty Nomad 2015 Cunt Of The Year awards, how about this fuckhead rocking out into the middle of the peloton trying to do some sort of Casper the weird ghost impersonation. In a tour that had all sorts of strange shit, this was right up there and its a shame that Bernard Hinault wasn’t still in the peloton, as the badger would have stopped the race and given this gimp a proper freshening:

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Le not a single fuck given about your weird protest/malfunction

Still, all that strange stuff didn’t stop some from having a good time and ready for the post ride beers. After completing a 3,300km Gran Fondo ride around France, Pipo Pozzato was more than ready for Stage 22 in Paris. Possibly the only time he attacked over the 3 weeks? Pipo has a totally different definition for ‘getting on the podium’

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Like the tatts, this seemed like a good idea at the time

Speaking of the ‘What The Fuck file‘, we all know that Greg Van Avermaet is as #PROasfuck at coming second in big races. Whilst Sagan did a good job in that department day in day out (Podium girl gossip), GVA is still the year long champ in this area. In fact, he’s so strong in the bridesmaid dept that even when on track to win a big one, random shit is unleashed on him to make sure he’s kept in his place:

Bust out the conspiracy theories, yes, this is the third time a BMC rider has been felled by a support vehicle in recent memory, meaning its either a plot by Oleg Tinkoff to ultimately be the only billionaire in PRO cycling, or someone has it in for bikes with dull paint jobs.

It’s not just all road action slithering its way into the crevice of this RIM action, after all the World Cup DH hit us over the weekend and not just any round either – The 25th time the World Cup has been to Mont Sainte Anne. You’d think after 25 years at the same venue it would seem a bit so so… But clearly no one in the MSA Trail crew thought so, as you’ll see from Ratboy’s helmet cam below, this thing is a fucking monster… Check those rock gardens and chutes, actually hard to fathom how he manages to smash this stuff so fast.

Also bear in mind, this was a practice run… So when he lined up to eventually win it during the race run, it would have been even more brain melting. Respect to the Rat for the first win post comeback and another notch in the DREAM BIKE V10c palmares. Best watched in 1080p setting obviously. #PROasfuck:

Not only did the Rat take it out by a fart thin margin, but that man Minnaar backed up in 4th place. Check the GAP between the top 3. HOLY fuck that’s some tightness right there. 0.200?!! and 0.025?! You have to be as Swiss as fuck to even capture that timing.

The part I love, as the UCI has decreed the Syndicate #notatradeteam, their sponsor details are absent in the results, clearly a weird look when you’re pumping the podium. Sort it out UCI:

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Couple of amateurs sneaking onto the podium

Finally today, the latest round of the ENDURO World Series was held over the weekend in Crested Butte, Colorado. Instead of tales of radness and shredding action as per usual though, its a significantly sadder update from Round 5.

On the second day one of the amateur racers crashed and passed away as a result of their injuries, terrible news for their family, friends and everyone involved. The full press release is here.

Having been to a round of the EWS, I can imagine the sense of grief and sadness that quite rightly will have impacted everyone involved, from organisers to riders to media. Its a very tight knit group and this is the last thing anyone expects when they head out for a day of riding and racing in the mountains.

Absolutely the right call by EWS to stop the race, not that anyone would have wanted to keep going I suspect. My condolences to the riders family and friends, RIP Will. A unnecessary reminder of how important it is to have fun and enjoy every ride you get to have.

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