With so much dirty video fever going down, not to mention DM2 itself, the Monday Random Roundup has been taking it in the back seat for a few months now. My endeavours to push on through with a shredit frenzy have been interrupted over the weekend however…

Yes, the DN Global Collective have been so fucking busy of late I couldn’t ignore the plethora of randomness they were bringing in half dead and dropping on the shrediting room floor next to the lubricant and box of tissues.

Where to start… HAS to be with some Santa Cruz frothing thanks to the DN Procurement Officer, yes, Das Wolf unveiled his latest project of Radness over the weekend and it has to be said, even for a man with his prolific talents of Bike Build Project Management, he may have outdone himself here… Yes, can’t buy them like this folks! Check it out, a VERY custom Santa Cruz 5010 coming direct:

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“Just really wanted to make it my own… For a month or so”

What a way to celebrate breaking a 10 week riding drought and the Wolf Birthday than heading out for a spin on this sexy piece of work. If you’re going to do a custom decal job, THIS is how it’s done… Take note please Mr Roskopp: This is way cooler than the green decals.

I came to the Birthday party by tricking Wolf into exploring a new trails, which IS big news in the Global Hub as it happens about once every 2 years or so (the new trail, not Wolf coming for a ride)… It turned out to be a bit of a banger as well, which is fucking good news as there is desperate need for a trail that actually goes up & down to help with the TP prep… By up and down I mean for like 40 seconds or so max, but as a radness beggar here I’m not getting choosey. It also provided some excellent spots for some SC porn shoots:

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Having a quick giggle about the Banditry seen around the traps…

Whilst I was a total fuckbag dragging him around all the usual spots and some new stuff thrown in on the first ride back, at least I was such a good cunt I even brought him a emergency coke for his Birthday… Yes, this is really just another excuse to throw in a final pic of that new 5010:

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Wolf casserole

From a debut of hardware to a debut of a very different kind… A while back, Motoman got the DN kit out on the boards for a track session in Toronto, but Mad Markus has taken things Nek Level and in a DN first, rocked up for some rad BMX action! He even doubled down and matched it to a Stormtrooper suit, much respect, another item ticked off the list of where Dirty gear has made an appearance!

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Boldly going where no jersey has gone before

Not sure on the results from Mad Markus’ foray to the track, but I bet he pinned the fuck out of the doubles and every table top in sight, more than likely with little to possibly zero regard for personal safety – Like a BOSS.

Speaking of telling safety to go and get super fucked, the Dok checked in from shooting his scenes in Predator III to confirm that yes, doing your own stunt work has its drawbacks… Either that or post ride sausage roll smashing has gone horribly awry with a T Sauce melt down to boot. Either way, we salute the commitment Dok has shown in recent times finding the limits of adhesion, I shall be enrolling him in an EWS round for a surprise soon:

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“Just say you were attacked by a cougar… Wait… That may not work…”

I know… Its been all rad MTB’s, BMX and blood so far, you you may be reading this thinking what has become consistent feedback of late:

“Great, nothing in here for the fucking roadies…”

Don’t fret my closely waxed brethren, the backend of this post is rammed with more action than you can shake a bottle of Veet at.

To get the road balls rolling, how about a High 5 for Deano, who like a Bothan spy infiltrated the Rapha ride on the weekend and then nailed it with this Dirty Photobomb… Not only representing, but also providing a perfect contrast point as to how BAD that new retro Rapha kit looks:

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A single exclamation point in an ocean of question marks

Fuck knows my cupboard is rammed with Rapha gear, but seriously? Was someone taking the piss or bored when they thought it was a good call on the Retro gear, or is it more of a test to see if people will buy anything? If so… Its working WELL. Like we all say to Pearl Jam as fickle fans: Go back to the original stuff please.

Speaking of commitment, what happens when you rock up to the Club Road Nationals in NZ, the final race of the year and the pinnacle of the season to find that your new TT bike isn’t UCI legal (and that would be because who really gives a fuck about UCI TT bike set up rules in an amateur world)?

Having failed scrutineering do you go back to the hotel and cry? Ringing home to explain how you folded like an origami dildo and have wasted a leave pass for nothing? NO – FUCK that shit was the response from AT over the weekend, there’s a way to fux that cunt… GET SOME:

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“First you pick on Obree and now Ango… I’ll fucken ave you cunts”

Marsellus Wallace never said anything about a hacksaw, but suspect with an effort like this AT would have been absolutely at home either going to work on Zed or being part of the CIA rendition programme.

Congrats bro for not only having the balls to take to the new machine with a pair of pliers and a blow torch, but then backing it up with getting amongst the TT with zero fucks given! I also like it that you decided to follow up in the road race by looking like a PRO on a 2 year juicing suspension who’s only allowed to ride Gran Fondo’s, which is clearly what’s going down here:

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Just riding tempo… Unless you’re second wheel…

Also from the ‘how fucking good is that?!’ file – The Teacher has made a rare DN appearance and popping out of a bowl of pasta, has smashed it and rocked up in Sicily, home of Nibbles of course, to hit some quality spring road riding action. Not a destination that immediately pops up on everyone’s radar, as most of us want to froth it up at the usual cliche locations, it appears that getting outside the box is reaping some golden rewards:

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Bellissimo etc

I’m sure we’ll have some more Italian reports to come from the DN CFO, so watch this space. Italian? Segway? Fuck yes… I only needed a tiny excuse to ditch my tubular wheels and over the weekend, I finally got it.

Yes, I love my Enve Chris King Hubbed 4.3 wheels, but I’m well over tubs. So, when I pinged a spoke, which pissed all over my planned 100km ride 80 clicks in, I struck back by throwing some Italian style and Campag reliability on Black Ops… I present you the new look, with the bad ass black rims of the Shamal Mille wheels:

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Yeah… Got to do something about those chain rings…

Initial ride home from the shop report is they ride even better than they look, which is what I suspect Andy Murray says a lot. At first I wasn’t pumped on the G3 spoke pattern, but its already grown on me. I shall log some miles on these things and then report back with a vague ‘shit I happen to own’ review in due course.

Whilst I was out bitching about having to ride in 34 degree + heat on the Sunday Roast session, I didn’t stop myself to spare a thought for one of our Northern Affiliates, who is currently having to train for Etape in how do you say, less than ideal conditions? Chur to Roy for reminding me that having to stop every 1.5 hours for water isn’t to be sniffed at after all…

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Bust out your Taun Taun, we got ourselves a full ice planet scenario

Fuck me there’s been a lot of random Global Collective action rammed pulsatingly hard into todays update, but it wouldn’t be complete without DN Royalty showing us exactly how you dominate a Fish Taco… In this example, my fish taco at that. I had warned him it was spicy, but that only just seemed to encourage him, next thing I knew, he was assassinating it with about as much benevolence as a Japanese Strava segment, #PRO #dominatemytaco #therealprinceofwales

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That wry smile says: “Don’t worry chaps, I’m trained in this sort of thing”

And on that note, its back to unpack the new batch of DN Road kit that has rocked up to Global HQ (more on that tomorrow) and then back to the Shrediting room (more on that the day after…). Have a good week and pile on the mile(s) motherfuckers.

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