OMFG is right, we’ve like totally turned 250! Yes, the 250th post today and its a massive WTF moment. I have managed to drivel my way through 250 of these updates, 1700 images, 80 videos, 17,000 views, 260 comments, an undisclosed number of T Shirts (given how shit my apparel stock management system was) and of course, please don’t fucking ask how much spent on Wifi in random places to actually post some of those ramblings.

Of course, its only kept going thanks to the encouragement of the loyal readership – So a massive thank you to the 4 of you that come back every day and send in fan mail with weird stains (one had a feline paw print in the stain, WTF?) that keeps me motivated to keep on rolling. Seems that spending your life savings on recreational cycling around the world and saying ‘cunt’ a lot is a popular combo! So, cheers and chin chin to the next 250!

I was hoping that reaching such a milestone would be brought to you from some exotic/palatial location or event (I double fucked up not going to the Ardennes classic or the Cairns World Cup DH events). But alas, thanks to a self diagnosed case of the MERS disease its a DRRU today with current events from around the globe coming at you with as much relevance as a case of genital herpes. Exciting!

First up – Love your bike but got that familiar itch that you want something new? Well, don’t just go out and ride something new (or buy a new bike), instead follow the Panther Protocol and transform that bad boy. I was initial a little uneasy when he said he was going to turn his Cervelo into a full stealth weapon, but its turned out that a little hair dye and make up can reinvigorate the love. Behold the Project Panther before and after shots:

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Once you’ve had black…

Given my penchant for exploding like a Zipp wheel in TT’s its not often that we endorse these machines (especially given how the Panther intends to use it), but I love a good stealth bike and this one has come up beautifully, allowing for the Panther to now be FULL Black ops next time he is unleashing an assault on the Tri-nerd community.

Speaking of explosions, another one for the “I love it when a SHAM product grenades itself” file here, and dear to my heart its an epic Zipp failure. Whilst my 404’s came loose faster than the office skank any chance they got, they never quite managed anything as grand as a total implosion like this:

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The brochure says: “Utterly dependable”… The Welsh Assassin says: “I can make anything go Poppity Ping”

Boyo Boyo Boy… Makes you want to rush out and buy some Chris King hubs immediately! This puts the CAT into Cataclysmic failure that’s for sure. Speaking of which, good luck to everyone currently racing Tour of ‘Friendship’ in Thailand, even if the actual concept of team work is confusing, I am sure it’ll be a grand old time, so relaxed and lucky there is no time cut offs!

Whilst on the subject of racing and wheels, rolling that all together the World Cup DH is in full swing now in all its awesomeness and the Cairns round over the weekend (so should have been there faaaark it) was a horrendous test of rider and machine. One of the Trek boys here showing why we don’t buy Bontrager MTB rims, stick to town bikes Keith:

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Looks kids – this is why we have Mavic DH wheels!

It wasn’t just wheels being smashed to fuck though… In one of the most random acts seen on a race course, this dude was assisting the removal of a crashed PRO racers DH bike when he succumbed to the crowd chants to ride it through the whoops section. Unfortunately for him it was Adam Brayton’s bike, Adam is from the UK… Hence his brake levers were reversed, so no, that wasn’t a whole lot of rear brake he thought he was grabbing:

Yeah… cycling karma has a violent temper it seems. I was thinking this is an excellent entry into the Cunt Of The Year awards, but, his buffoonery did result in Steve Peat from Santa Cruz getting another run and shot at the track, resulting in 7th place, so a golden lining. Good on him for sacrificing himself for the glory of the SC Syndicate! Oh fuck, mention of Santa Cruz, what a segway!

Yes, the new SC Nomad has started to hit stores and its creating massive anxiety here at DN HQ. I am morally obligated to get the new one, from a branding perspective alone. As such, its been as frustrating as having a hot babysitter (at any stage in life) to see these beautiful creations starting to get built up and shredded on. My pick for the best place in the world to go and get one? Bike Culture in Rotorua of course… Not just because Mike & Rob are legends, but also because you can then debut that bad motherfucker in one of the greatest trail networks ever:

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Colour mine STEALTH please boys… Yes, strap on those devil wheels FFS. I WANT I WANT x 1000

And to round out today’s randomness in a perfectly waterfall flowing motion type of way whilst mentioning devil wheels, one of the coolest product launch videos EVER right here. Yes, its a tad long and if you’re not into bikes parts may be lost on you, but this ENVE wheels video pretty much encapsulates why MTB is rad and will most likely encourage you to buy more bikes and wheels:

I think the video is actually radder than the wheels. Watch while consumerism cunts now go into a tail spin trying to work out which ratio of riding they do…

Stay tuned… There is the outside chance a new range of Dirty Nomad apparel is in the mix, the BAD ASS Niseko Hawk design house has been mixing up some crazy shit of late, the latest spy shot coming out would give a sloth a stiffy:

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Camo – Mega useful for the DN trip to North Korea and/or Ukraine

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