Woah, I’ve been slack as with unleashing a regular RIM, so time to get some discipline going and some solid RIMming back into your Monday, because who doesn’t want to start the week that way? Especially when its May already, which as I shall elaborate on means the usual annual milestone in the cycling calendar.

My slackness has meant missing out on providing misinformed commentary on a whole lot of mental Spring classic action of course, not to mention a couple of World Cup DH rounds and having a dirty wank about EWS events etc… I think its fair to say that in the battle of Cobbled Vs Ardennes classics, the win this year went to the cobbles due to some mind blowing racing at PR and Sagan bagging his first monument win.

It wasn’t until LBL though that we got the weather that our inner Romans secretly hoped would arrive for a race with cobbles in it. You can’t have it all I guess, but lets face it, this looked like a total cunt to ride in:

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PRO cycling – Oh the glamour

Lets not dwell on that though, the last week has brought us even more exciting news and reasons to froth. Yes, like being ambushed by a Scottish Cowboy in a KTV Bar, Santa Cruz have gone and done it again with another mega product update.

I only just got done with having a Rantview about the Tallboy 2 and Santa Cruz have dropped the hammer on releasing the 3… And fuck me, like everything they seem to be touching at the moment, it looks fucking gold! With a little bit of mint thrown in…

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Heisenberg has cooked up another batch and its a Banger…

I was just trying to get through my “I want a Hightower and a Stigmata and a 5010” first world problem and now this complication has shredded up to my door step. Fuck me if they didn’t read my mind as well, pumping the travel to 110mm, slackening it out and pretty much making into a rabid trail munching machine.

Holy shit I want one, in the grey mind you… And sealing the deal as I drift net fish my way into the marketing trap, check out Greg Minnaar having a rip on the new bike which clear now says: “Bandits, you’re not invited

Holy fuck, doesn’t that look more fun than sitting round with a packet of marshmallows and toasting them on the British cycling Bonfire that we’re all currently enjoying, in an olympic year no less. Funnily enough, the PC Brigade were mute when the medals were flowing, but then again, 2016 is the year of Faux Outrage and throwing people under buses if they don’t agree with the brand of obscure Italian Salami that you like. Also not to be missed – making people apologise when they speak their mind…

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On the topic of Giro’s, the Highlander and PK are aligned: There can be only ONE!

Holy shit man, its 2016 for fucks sake! We want our PRO male cyclists to perform like dancing monkeys by riding endlessly through mountains, cobbles, shit weather and heat without having a single opinion or any capability to speak their own mind. No sooner had Peter K clicked ‘Post’, a squad of ‘Men In Black’ looking units descended on him with Nibali like ferocity to follow the now standard silencing process: Delete tweets, delete whole twitter account and force the awkward on-line apology which isn’t worth the bytes it consumes in Cyber space. Please guys, come on, let’s leave weird public commentary to the girls.

Speaking of blow outs, I’ve gone and shot my load on a couple of items… Controversially taking the bait like a drunk gerbil and getting into the new B1 Reverb dropper. Multiple ‘in the field’ failures weren’t enough for me and I’m back for more abuse, being a Reverb owner is the ultimate flashback to fucked up teenage relationships: “I promise this time I have changed!“.

Apparently this one is a massive improvement over the previous road side bomb version (read: We outsourced the critical parts to SKS), and I intend to fully find out. Quality of life decreases dramatically when you go from a 150mm dropper to 125mm, so this is to get back to being as ENDURO as fuck:

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Who the actual fuck orders XC shoes with a 150mm Dropper?

Stay tuned for an update on how the new post fares, as well as the Shimano XC61 shoes you can see there… Well, actually, they’ve already failed – Turns out that not all Shimano size 44 shoes are created equally, so they’re currently winging their stubby Trump finger like way back to CRC, undoing the discount upside as they do.

Hoo-Fucking-Ray, its MAY! You know what that means, its GIRO time!! First Grand Tour of the year is on the horizon. Hopefully it doesn’t turn into a weird freak show where quicker than you can reach for your inhaler, we have to endure twighlight zone podium celebrations where the only real winner is… scepticism… Who could imagine such a scene?

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Er… Is that a giant blood bag on the right? Is this a dream? Or my Giro nightmare? Can we cancel May?

Yes, bring on the epic weather, massive insane mountain stages – I think stage 14 has something like 5,500m of climbing in it and of course some stage winners where we all raise a massive caterpillar like eyebrow to and think “yeah right cunt.” My inner cynic can hardly wait!

Speaking of which, one of last years COTY finalists has been making headlines and meeting expectations, so as part of being a good cycling citizen I thought it appropriate to pass this public safety message on. The 4 of you who brought one of these need to pay attention:

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Additional safety notice: Owning a Slate poses serious risks to ever getting laid again in your life

Ok, so let’s not end this public holiday in the #cHub on a bitchy note, no, instead let’s celebrate some awesome domination. The Rivet Racing boys cleaned up over the weekend in the Hope Gibbons Team Time Trial event in the Rapa in NZ. 4 man TTT over 40kms is a special kind of pain and suffering, a ballet of precision, pure power and making sure you don’t fuck close friendships in the process.

Just to make it more exciting AT decided to swap out his frame 2 days before the race, even that little set back didn’t stop him from laughing when sitting on 400w in the final kilometre… In usual fashion, smiling in the face of deep lactic burn. I assume he’s laughing at the effort gone to for having matching TT bikes, only to be fucked up by the helmet blow out:

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Harv sucks in some big ones @ 400w while AT giggles at the thought of another ‘Suits’ gag he’s just come up with

Down to 3 men early due to the loss of GP it was always going to be a challenge. GP’s departure wasn’t due to the pace or a mechanical, but more the realisation that he was rocking last years arm warmers. With photographers out on course, the risk of him fucking up the PRO photo shots with mismatched kit was simply too high. Its always better to press on with three than have your photos fucked up. Oh… the Helmets…

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Oh fuck, if this doesn’t give you a TTTgasim then nothing will – Perfect layering

Massive congrats boys on a huge win, awesome team work and most importantly – Getting a big fuck off trophy for a year! An excellent way to round out the Rivet season… Bravo:

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It appears its time to stop with the pie jokes

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