Hoe Hoe Hoe… Yes please, I’ll have THREE! Any way… From lame intro moving quickly to a big THANKS to all those that have got their DN Road Kit order in and even paid! Legends all of you… For the stragglers, hit me up ASAP with your sizing and what you hunger for and I will get it into the DN Global Logistical System (one bad ass mofo Excel Spreadsheet) to be submitted early this week. If you leave sizing to me then I will go a size down for you to make the kit feel like its absolutely to be used in some strange holiday sex game… Its the gift that keeps on giving.

Lets get into the Advent Calendar of Randomness then shall we? Its ready to gush out and fill up your Monday…

Santa arrived early here in the Global Hub, with Das Wolf taking receipt of the very bike that went and won the Giro earlier this year when Columbian Smurf used it to devastating effect to melt snow (not blow) and every other dude that tried to steal his donkey Pink Jersey. Yes, the Canyon Ultimate CF SLX is in Da Wolf lair! Why is this exciting? Well, its one of the very very few Road Bikes currently on the market that gives me even a hint of a gear boner right now, so I’m intrigued to see what its like in its nude carbon flesh. The only downside? Motherfucking Wolf isn’t my size is he? Leaving me gutted when it hits the market during the Boxing Day sales:

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This little piggy will be going to market alright…

Speaking of Santa coming all over the show, he has paid me an early visit as well… Continuing the theme of my complete and utter Endurification (I have an Evo Team for sale FYI, good condition, hardly crashed in shithole locations), these state of the art Shimano M200 ENDURO shoes found their way to my lair of stockpiling in advance of my glorious return-to-riding-some-time-hopefully-soon-fuck-I-can’t-wait-for-fucks-sake. Astute readers may notice that these are the same shoes I ruthlessly took the piss out of when they showed up in Olive Green like a pair of German Army soccer boots, luckily for everyone involved in that awkward incident they also come in Black… With a bit of very very very very dark grey. Stay tuned for a dubious test report:

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At least they won’t stand out…

Speaking of Christmas and coming, seems that those two concepts have got together to FINALLY produce this landmark occasion if you are into Downhill bikes (0.8% of the population). I love my Dirty Demo, but sweet baby Hesus in a manger filled with carbon fibre straw, this thing makes me want to stick a ‘For Sale’ sign on it faster than cunts try to get into a lift in Singapore before anyone has had the chance to get out. In other words, the new Santa Cruz V10c has been launched!!! Yes please (Damn you devil wheels):

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Santa, is that MY one?!

Not simply content with springing the World Cup DH winning weapon on us, Santa Cruz then also had to playfully slap us around the face with their innovative appendage by creating this cracking video to welcome the new bike to the line up. Yeah, removes any doubt if you were on the fence, I know I’m being marketed to ruthlessly, but I don’t care… Please let me surrender… #fanboi

Santa Cruz are running so HOT right now that even the competitors want to know how good it feels to throw a leg over a Nomad and get a few runs in, in Troy’s case that could mean anything:

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“Come on mate, just let me have one run, this Enduro 29er is balls”

Even more shocking than that revelation, this jacket grants the wearer an automatic entry into the highly competitive Cunt of The Year (COTY) awards… You may accuse me of picking on the Kazakh’s a little here, but FFS, its not like they’re not begging for it. There isn’t a kit infringement fine big enough to cover off this disaster… This is either admiration gone horribly wrong, or he was forced at gunpoint (or the threat of having to wear the shirt behind him) into donning this eye sore:

"Vino say to be just like him, so we all juice up and he suspend us, so confuse yes?"

“Vino say to be just like him, so we all juice up and he suspend us, so confuse yes?”

At the other end of the Road spectrum, the final round of the NI Trust series was held over the weekend back in NZ, congrats to the Rivet Racing boys for their awesome work throughout the whole series, culminating in a second overall in Elite for the series for Dan Wannajetski, fourth in Masters 35-44 for the Water Ox and second in Master 50+, going to none other than the legend that is the Pork Meteor, good old Hams seen here on the right laying down some hurt and making that Argon wish it was never baked in the carbon oven:

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Christmas Hams getting a thorough work out

Time for a BIG, and I mean big, Dirty Happy Birthday this week to a key member of the DN Global Collective, Herr Doktor! He also happens to be the man with the most DN Missions credited to him as a Dirty Operative, which made it an absolute nightmare when it came to motherfucking photo montage time. I had over 128 photos to choose from (which makes my indexing system suddenly sound scarily stalkerish in nature), but I think these 6 shots sum up the Dok perfectly, one giant shredding unit that uses science, the worlds most bad ass tramping jacket and a keen eye for a bargain to overcome his pigeon sized feet disadvantage:

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As you’ll note, Wolf and I worked out by Queenstown to make the Giant stand on the down step for team photos

Gaaaaaaaaa…. And that’s it for the FINAL DRRU for 2015 that will be produced from the Global Hub. BANG, yes, watch this space but finally blasting out of here like there’s a price on my head (not related to 2 months of medical leave), besides, I have to deliver my Dirty Nomad Christmas cookies, someone said to me that the factory had fucked up the packaging, ah, duh, not in the slightest…

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Who wants another cookie in their… er… mouth?

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