For someone who claims to be an ENDURO World Series fan, I took a massive dump on my self professed credentials by not even mentioning the Ireland EWS round from last weekend, so lets get this RIM rolling with some Irish on the tip of the tongue.

Fuck me if there wasn’t a massive amount of drama and action packed into a single day… Sure, they said the same thing halfway through Black Hawk Down, but there was seriously so much shit going down at this one its hard to know where to start. Perhaps the most obvious place then is with the #1 spot?

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Top 10 covered by 25 seconds after a day of racing… Can’t even take a piss that fast

Don’t bother shutting the gate, because the locals have bolted right the fuck out of it – Greg Callaghan repeat wins at home, but just to take things up a froth notch or two, he did it this year on an ‘Aggressive 29er’ and the industry’s entire marketing cadre makes a salesgasmic mess in their pants – Nothing gives a better climax than a category you are trying to reinvent/push winning an elite race. We now have a legit data point to allow us to re-question not only our wheel preferences, but also our entire existence on earth.

But just when we start performing Guinness fuelled pelicans on each other in excitement, how about T Mo coming out of the woodwork to drop the hammer on the women’s field and remind them all how lucky they are she is chilling this year. Absolutely cleaned it up in the only round she’ll be racing this year – Weapon.

But I think Sam Hill in second place was actually the result of the round, flat pedals? World Cup DH man? In that stacked elite field? Possibly the result of the year so far? He’s been nowhere in the World Cup DH results, so this wasn’t on the cards at all. The only people upset were those that keep saying “Fuck off, ENDURO isn’t for semi-retiring DHers!!!

But then again, Rickie Rude coming back from a flat tire and being completely out of the race to claim 3rd place was insane… All while confirming that actually, fuck, he IS Jason Bourne, or at least the ENDURO equivalent:

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2002 Matt Damon debuts the new Giro ENDURO as fuck helmet

I will be pissed as fuck when they release that new Giro ENDURO helmet and it fits my head perfectly given I have a Giro shaped dome. Not sure about covering the ears like that though, I need to be able to hear when I’m about to be shredded into quivering slices of patheticness at an EWS round.

Mind you, pretty much everyone got flat tires… Basically to PRO orgy levels:

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Finally we have something in common

The puncture disease raged out of control in Ireland, so much so that Martin Maes ended up hitting stages giving zero fucks and with zero rear tire. I guess that settles in my mind that its ok to rock the Stan Flow EX rims on my bike, clearly they can take the abuse:

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If its good enough for Martin…

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Random ledger, the Giro has been getting down to business time. Lamenting the departure of Tommy D, my glumness at the potential Pink winner now that the pretenders have all been dismembered was unwarranted after all.

Stage 14 rocked up to pretty much punch people in the face, including a good number of the ‘Usual suspects’. The two big surprises from a huge day in the Mon-Tons were surely Kruijswijk and Chaves. One has shoulders of an NFL player and the other looks like a paper delivery kid, but they made an effective if not strange combo to announce they loved Pink as much as the Nibbler…

The Dolomites and Stage 14 were utterly massive of course, with some cunt was totally having a laugh with those Sprint point spots too just quietly…

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Looks like a mint ride if I can lose 20kg

Valverde kept his “one bad dosage day” record intact Grand Tours, kissing another one goodbye thanks to one 20 minute bad patch. Karma has a long term sense of humour after all! Well, so does Valverde after Nibbles shanked him…

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The Spanish Tea bagger

If that wasn’t enough to make you choke on Italian Sausage, then the uphill TT on the Sunday was a delightful follow up to 210km’s of Mon-Ton savagery… And that was another game changer, especially for the Campagnolo Marketing department, who, like me, would have watched in horror as Nibbles Super Record Rear D wrapped itself around the frame in spectacular fashion. Don’t worry though Campag fans, its clearly a frame alignment and/or weak hanger issue. The final week of the Giro is going to be a banger – Stay tuned in as fuck.

Speaking of consuming large doses of suffering, no one does it better or more overtly than the Goat… Proving every hooved creature/domestique has its day, he recently punished himself to an impressive 3rd place at the Batam 6 Bridges race. Also know as Tour of the Badlands, before implementing the Black list protocol, it was one I knew all too well about its heat based torture and war of attrition. You can see here as little parts of his soul die in the effort to grace the podium:

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Someone call the RSPCA, animal torture in progress #sausagerollsareeverything

Finally today – Cannondale recently announced that XC was ‘dead’, I’m guessing that’s because none of their riders can get into the top 3 at a World Cup round, if you can’t beat em, just create a new category! Well, obviously the Dorel marketing department forgot to tell these two whippets that their PROfession had met its demise:

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The Swiss fisting rolls on

They spent Sunday afternoon hammering the fuck out of each other like a couple of Avengers characters, an hour and a half of balls out racing at World Cup Round 2 coming down to a sprint finish and about half a bike length. Its massively good times to take the piss out of Bandits, but these two are fucking monsters, assuming they don’t get Zika, the Olympics battle should be epic.

And on that note, have a random week!

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