Monday again already… As I wander like a zombie through a blogging material apocalypse its becoming harder to conjure up worthy material for even a Dirty Random Round Up summary post, but there are a few items that caught my attention recently.

This weekend will also see another race in Indonesia, so at least something semi interesting is on the horizon, assuming you consider cramping and suffering in 40 deg heat interesting.

In the mean time however, some random and weird round ups that have been popping out of the carbon work. First of all, here’s something to strike fear and panic into Garmin/Strava addicts worldwide, remember kids when they say ‘waterproof’, they mean for like half an hour, not for 6 hours over a weekend of torrential rain, as one hoofed team mate found out on Sunday:

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It appears the Death Star is orbiting the Garmin to a firing position…

Yes, fresh back from a warranty claim as well, watch as Power Cunts rush out to buy rain coats for their head units ASAP. Speaking of melt downs, a certain Tour de France defending champion spent the weekend flushing credibility down the toilet faster than a Soigneur with his kit bag when the Gendarme coming knocking, yes, this was posted out and within the hour Team Sky Rapha supporter kit was being burned at an alarming rate. Spot the small but large issue:

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As if awkward riding style and old Oakleys weren’t bad enough – This sinks the battleship

No, its not the ridiculous chainrings or soft case bag… If he had posted this pic with a Kelpie dog or German shepherd and said something like “My dog is so fucking cool he even packed my bike”, then that would have been semi ok, but this is just a disaster. Sky are supposed to be a media company as well, I bet Mr Murdoch is kicking in the doors in London today ordering up a cat cushion ASAP.

On the topic of credibility going sideways, I was reminded on Saturday night that early starts, low alcohol threshold, semi peak fitness and no dinner all add up to an epic fail. Yes, within sight of the next major race of the year I went well and truly off the reservation when “Just one drink” became more than I am legally certified to carry. As you can see, I took the “No Pisco, No Disco” call seriously and it all went south side after that:

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“I ordered the Mocktail right?”

The only upside to getting dieseled on a low volume of gas means a lower than normal hang over, a very odd silver lining. Time to get serious for the remainder of this week, which includes a tea cake boycott, something two of my team mates fell foul of last week much to my joy – A couple more addicts have joined the ranks.

Of course, there have been a couple of little PRO races going down this last week… So an update and dubious opinion piece on both:

  • Giro – Looks like a real cunt this year, so consistent. Lots of rain, crashes and generally a cage fight that never ends. We can moan about Cadel putting the hammer down after that massive pile up, but his guys were already on the front smashing it and if he hadn’t of done it, someone else would have. Respect to Matthews who hang on up that final climb to win the stage, impressive. It’s Cadel’s to lose now to be fair, the TT on Wednesday should give him more time and the Colombian smurf is only looking so so at this stage, so as long as little dog man doesn’t lose his shit he should have it in the bag.
  • Tour of California – I bet a few riders have been whatsapping their homeboys in Italy saying “Suck shit” as they enjoyed significantly better conditions. Not the strongest field you’ve ever seen, but Wiggo did ride like a Boss on Diablo to be fair to win it overall. Let’s face it, its the beard that has done the trick… Whilst froome has gone pussy on it, Wiggo roughing up has sent his stock price upwards. I’m still calling that Cav is going to end up as Kittel’s gimp in the Tour, should be great to watch some big lead out train battles.

Finally today, to prove that its been a slower than average week in decent cycling material flowing through me, I spotted the ideal new DN wagon for shuttling or road tripping. May be a slight issue with cost and road legality, but I think I would like to opt for one of these over the Defender:

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“Guys, can you just get that bull thing off the door and get the DN logo on there?”

I’m off to continue my crash diet to lose 5kg’s by Friday to get back to race weight… AKA Mission Impossible 5.

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