So now that we’ve got the fun stuff out of the way, namely shredding heaven dirt, its time to talk about informative and boring things like its an HR briefing where all you can think about is what would happen if you unzipped yourself mid-meeting. With that in mind, its time I exposed you to some Dirty Logistics and my Tips on how to roll with the Yaman Bali ENDURO styles.

First up, some basics on location and travel action. I know what you’re thinking, how the fuck does it take 1.5 hours to drive 55km’s? Real talk, it really does. No Peage here motherfuckers, just a shit load of scooters on little roads not really designed with speed in mind:

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Nah… Google maps must have it totally wrong…

Given we’re talking about details here, its time for a cunty bullet point list, almost enough to give me a PowerPoint stiffy:

  • Cost is $90 per person per day – Book online ahead of time via the BBP Website
  • Usual pick up time from the cHouse is 7am, which will see you at the bike park around 8.30am. Wrap up is usually around 2pm or so, so perhaps back at the Chillhouse by 4pm depending on the volume of scooter assault and faffing you do. Allow a reasonable amount of time. We negotiated a different start and finish time, so if there aren’t other guests you can talk to the boys and work it to your requirements
  • Temperature was surprisingly mild both days, its not the choking humidity of the cHub thats for sure, you’ll get a sweat on, but its didn’t burn the house down. One dirty bottle lasted me the whole day
  • Transfer from the Chillhouse to the Bike Park will take you about 1.5 hours, weekend traffic potentially fucks with that a bit. I guess you could stay out closer to the BBP, but it did look as ghetto as fuck out that way, so could get a little freaky if you don’t do you homework properly
  • Staying at the Chillhouse is eventually a good option, assuming you can chill a bit… Food is good and rooms are reasonable, plumbing issues aside. Its not on the beach, but a short drive away from Old Mans and Echo, so you still head down there to mingle with the local population of Australians who either A) spend their entire day working out/taking roids or B) happen to be super models. Either way, giving zero fucks is the prevailing vibe. Also the pools at the cHouse are all good, especially if you need to chill your pelt the fuck down after a hot day of mini line shredding:
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“Hey Girlfriend, come on in and get wet…”

Now we’ve got that shit out of the way, lets get back to riding stuff with the Dirty Don’t Tips:

You don’t need a DH Bike here – Ok, so if you’re hitting ‘Black Panther’ line and the Nick P zone, then maybe you do, but trail wise, you’re fine on a trail/ENDURO/ whateverthefucktheindustryispushingthismonth bike. I think I could have probably even rocked the Tallboy here, but it was vastly more fun on the Nomad. Don’t turn up with your Whistler machine though, may feel a bit weird. #tanktoagunfight

You don’t need a pack – The joys of riding packless were a highlight of the two days. I kept it in the shuttle and rocked the bottle because thats as an ENDURO as absolute fuck. Runs are short and turn around is quick, so take the chance to ride free. On the insanely unlikely event you manage to puncture in the worlds softest dirt, spend the time walking out asking yourself why you’re a total cunt.

You don’t need a full face helmet – I took the Bell Super chin guard, but never once felt the need to install it, if you fall face first into the dirt it would be more like getting a massage that in a 5 star resort would cost you $200. Each to their own though, so don’t take my word for it. Knee pads only whilst we’re on the topic of armour.

Don’t go on a Friday!!! – Friday happens to be free locals day, so the day before we rocked up they had 27 people getting amongst it, which yes by Whistler standards is only 6 lifts, but at the BBP that would mean a bit of faffing about, so pick your days. Having the park to ourselves was a luxury, even for the benefit of making you feel like it was a PRO test session.

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Cranking that badlands & little mountain vibe

And now the Dirty shit you should do:

You do need some cash – Not a lot of ATM’s floating around out here in the badlands and the few shops that are dotted around at the base of the park looked to be cash only affairs, assuming you’re not too uptight to go into them. Who would be such a snob?

You do need some mozzie patches – My baseline Mosquito prejudice assumes every small insect wants to infect me with tropical fever and fuck up my life. You can embrace paranoia and patch the fuck up like a gang member, or roll the dice. Spray and patches a good combo. If you don’t want to roll like that, at least you can always get to have the medivac experience.

You do need realistic expectations – There aren’t thousands of lines and they are short, so whilst they’re fun and there are some excellent sections, don’t arrive thinking this is an Asian Whistler or Queenstown, because the motherfucker ain’t. Its in a build phase, so just embrace the jungle and the chance to sound like a dick as you find yourself saying YAMAN way too often.

Food – Lunch options didn’t exactly jump out at us and we didn’t want to break our mini lap rhythm, so if you want to maximise take some food with you and just keep hauling ass. Then get back to the cHouse and fucking destroy a couple of the BLT’s they can lavish upon you, washed down by a Bintang of course.

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Getting some reverse dirty action

The access road is still under construction by 245 locals, which meant an earlier drop off point than usual, I suspect its going to be an excellent upgrade once this is paved all the way down the hill, not to mention it will cut out some turn around time, as more often than not we beat the shuttle back to the pick up point:

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If you build it, they will cum

You can ride back up if you are keen… Given we were ‘training’ for La Thuile we did it once, takes about 10 minutes and it is a grind for sure. We had every intention of doing alternative uplift and ride up runs, but that got told to go and fuck itself pretty quickly. Its quite hard to ignore a Dakine tail guard calling out your name…

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Park was as crowded as fuck on the second day there

Trails are all clearly marked, you’d have to be a bit of cunt to get lost here to be honest and they all spit you out roughly in the same spot lake side for the short pedal back to the pick up hub. If its your first time then perhaps ride each trail with the guide to get a low down, which only takes you 6 or 7 laps and then cut loose by yourself or with your crew to turn laps.

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Trail name a possible reference to the genital region of visitors in the North Kuta area

The day 3 post wouldn’t be complete without a shot of the Swiss Missile losing guidance control as he explores the outer edges of his ballistic profile:

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Ride it out bro!!!!

The joys of being relatively evenly matched meant someone was going to be on the receiving end of following harassment, even if I was usually the first to blink. RJ seen here blasting out of the jungle like a Swiss Viper after another successful slaying mission down the DH run.

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RJ ramping up the EWS form ahead of La Thuile

The reason why I think I enjoyed the BBP so much? Well, probably stems from the fact its the first time I have been on a mission on the Nomad 3 since Trans NZ. But more than that, its the first time in a very long time since I felt like I had a bit of mojo and confidence.

No, still not the same level of radness that I took to Trans Provence last year, but to have two days where I felt relative on it was like being Dirty born again, the aim now will be to carry that goodness into Europe next week… My inner narcissist was having a fucking ball as well…

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Fuck… Is it even possible for me to get more ENDURO?

You know it wouldn’t be an Asian mission without some weird shit popping out of a bowl of Nasi Goreng right? On one of our runs down ‘On Fire’ we blasted out of the bush to find a wedding party standing right on the line, more than that, pretty much in the killbox for where we were about to jump on to.

Even better than that, it was some creepy looking Euro dude, complete with his special wedding day lederhosen outfit, pretty stoked he had nailed the local village princess. The wedding fluffers were right to run screaming from the ENDURO assault…

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Boom boom, the wedding night starts early

In a scene that was no doubt replayed later on that night, there was only one response to carving up the wedding party action…

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Lets say it together… YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaMAN!

So then the golden shower question that you may ask… Would I recommend going to the BBP? Well, like a Senior Executive its not easy to give a straight answer to that one. So let’s use a bullet point list to try and explain:

  • Would I travel here from Europe or far away for the BBP experience? Probably not no, it doesn’t quite warrant that level of investment at the moment, unless its part of a Bali holiday to escape winter and the realisation 53% of your country are total cunts
  • Would I come here and ride if I was rolling it into a Bali holiday? Absolutely, but just remember its an all day commitment pretty much, so family time will be limited
  • Would I travel here from within the Asia region purely for the Bike Park? I think so yes, there aren’t too many bike park around the region, so worth the short flight if you’re within SEA
  • Would I do the other tours first? Ah, fuck no… Its ok for the scenery, but trail and riding wise you’re better off in the park
  • Would I wait until its more developed and the access road is finished to come? I debated this one somewhat and if you’re picky then perhaps wait… But I would say come early (I was excited) to help the BBP crew justify building more trail. If everyone holds off, then it will never get to where it needs to be.

So there you go, I have utterly complicated the fuck out of a simple question… Welcome to corporate life, now blow me for a bonus. YAMAN!

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Yeowwwww cunts!

Final Dirty Tip – Even when you heavily stipulate (bold font even) that you need an airport transfer for bike bags and two people, it may not quite pan out to expectation… As such, try to travel with a homeboy that is both able to be folded up into small spaces, as well as amenable to doing so.

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“This would never happen on our highly integrated and networked train system”

Dirty Chur to RJ for in the end a rad little weekend of mega dirt shredding and mini uplift. Terrain wise it wasn’t representative of what we will face in La Thuile, but I will take the mojo it generated and see what we can do with it soon.

Watch this space, Dirty Euro action is on the horizon!

2 Responses

  1. Duke

    Mr DN, you’ve just saved Bali from some volcanic tantrums. There’s been a bit of angst around the crew as to where we ride, some quite keen the tour of central Bali’s best tractor ruts, others more keen on park and whatever steeps/gnar we can find, so thanks for clearing that up for us.

    I think a day in the park and the single track DH mission will suffice, which means we’ll also clock up mega brownie points with the partners by not buggering off to ride and then coming back to have a big whinge about it, muchos gracias.

    Reply
    • Dirty Nomad

      Yo, agree – We were booked to do the North Shore DH tour as well, but after day 1 of the ghetto rutted road ride, we learned that it would also be a long day in the car, so we pulled the pin and swapped it for a day in the park. For the North Shore Singletrack mission you’ll be looking at around 6 hours in the vehicle by the sounds, so allow a full day. I have updated the post to give a low down on timings for the bike park. Have fun!

      Reply

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